I did not jump on Disney+ the instant it became available. I feel wrong for this, but I don’t know that I’ll be getting it for foreseeable future. I’m not as excited about it as I probably should be, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Taking a long hard look at the launch line up did explain a few of my misgivings to me though. The list is way too long for me to copy here so I’ll just throw up a link if you want to check it out. Strangely, the biggest thing to jump out at me was that I never knew the Brave Little Toaster went to Mars. Where the hell was I when this historic space mission went down?
At first I thought maybe I wasn’t the right demographic. I don’t have kids, and I don’t want to watch Cinderella. I felt like I might be too old for it because I’m not interested in Lizzie McGuire. Then again, maybe I’m too young since I don’t want to watch Darby O’Gill and the Little People either. I am also not a fan of any Pixar movie. I’m a monster, I know. They do certainly have things I like. Marvel, The Simpsons, and Star Wars are all things I include in my fandom. Here’s the thing though. For now FXX shows around 6 episodes of The Simpsons five nights a week. I’m not sure how that will change with Disney+ taking over the territory. So I can see The Simpsons pretty much anytime I want without paying anything extra. If I see that they’ll be taken off FXX then I’ve still got time to get some of my favorites onto my DVR. I own every Marvel movie I’d want to watch again, and if I do get a wild hair up my ass for something I don’t already own my father has every single one of them on his computer hard drive. I can get a copy of Iron Man 2 pretty easily if that desire ever comes up. It probably won’t, but it’s there if that were to happen. Would I like to watch some varying degrees of awesome X-Men cartoons again? You bet, but not so much that I’m getting yet another streaming service for them. As for the newer Marvel cartoons I’m not invested. I’ve watched a few on Disney XD, but none of them really grabbed me.
But the Star Wars, what about the Star Wars?!? That is certainly the most important part of the service for me. But again, I own the five movies I want to watch. In case you’re wondering those are: the original trilogy, Revenge of the Sith, and The Force Awakens. Sure I’ll watch a little Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones if it happens to be on while I’m looking for something better. I just don’t see myself ever going “boy I sure do want to hear some awkward supposedly romantic dialogue about sand again.” A few weeks ago I saw The Last Jedi was on Netflix and decided to give it another try. It’s still just okay to me. I don’t hate it, but I also don’t love it. I haven’t checked, but I’m guessing it’s not on Netflix anymore at this point. After reading the most recent Thrawn book I do want to go back and watch Rebels again, but I’m not in some desperate hurry or anything. I absolutely bought in to the hype around The Mandalorian. Everything I saw, read, or heard about it excited me. I need to know if it will live up to my very high expectations (from what I’ve heard, it will). And at launch only one episode was released. You’ve got some big mouse balls Disney. I guess I’m spoiled by Netflix putting whole seasons out at once. I like to binge. On a weekly release I tend to save up a few episodes up so that I can get the gratification of a mini-binge at least. With The Mandalorian I’ve waited so hard for so long that I’m going to need a proper binge. I need to be able to call in sick to work, and watch between six and eight episodes in a row. It’s that important to me. Just not important enough to go all in until they’ve had time to get past some of the kinks.
The first is getting their server shit together. I’ve read about lags, crashing, and the inability to load anything at all. I’m not paying to beta test for Disney.The next is learning how to properly present older programs. I’ve seen pictures of how the aspect ratio on the earlier episodes of The Simpsons has screwed up visual jokes. This is kind of a big deal for a show with a lot of visual jokes. I imagine that this would hold true for those X-Men cartoons too (not the jokes part, but cutting off things you’d want to see in general). But the biggest deal is learning what their customers want, and just giving it to them. I miss the theatrical versions of the original trilogy, and have pretty much come to terms with not seeing them again. Unless I want to scavenge a VCR from Goodwill or something. I don’t have any way to play them, but I kept the tapes. I’m strangely nostalgic like that. I understand that “who shot first?” is a question that will never have a satisfactory answer. But now, not only do I have to watch the enhanced versions, but on Disney+ they have inexplicably made that scene even worse. Greedo now says something that sounds like “macklunkey” before he and Han shoot at the same time. The idea being that this was some sort of insult or threat that causes Han to try and get a shot off quickly. The problem is that most people don’t make threats and then almost instantly fire their gun. If I’m going to threaten someone I want them to stew on it for a bit. Let them get stuck inside their own head while trying to figure out how and when I’ll strike. Greedo was pretty bad at his job though so I guess I can see where he’d have a problem getting that right. I know that this is yet another change George Lucas made before the buyout, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. The point behind all of that rambling is that if people want to be able to choose a different version of Star Wars then they should be allowed that option.
To stop myself from going down a Star Wars rabbit hole I’ll bring it on back to where all this was headed in the first place. I already have 3 streaming services. Before I get another one Disney+ is going to have to offer me something besides The Mandalorian once a week. The Obi-Wan show doesn’t even start filming until next year so I wouldn’t expect to see it before 2021. Where Disney+ is right now I see myself waiting until the entire season of The Mandalorian is out, subscribing for a month, and then canceling once I get my fill. I’ll probably use that month to rewatch Rebels too, but I don’t see myself sticking around for long with what they’ve got to offer right now. Am I sad and annoyed that everyone around me is talking about a series I won’t see for a couple of months? Of course I am. To paraphrase another movie I already own (and so don’t need Disney+ for), I wanna be where the people are. I just don’t wanna share a server with them for a such limited payoff right now. So you guys have fun watching Kazaam, Snow Dogs, and whichever version of Freaky Friday floats your boat. I’ll be along after you get bored, and make some room for someone who knows what’s really important in life…
NEEDLESS THINGS 